


Love, on the ice.

by Agayturtle1



Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: Anxiety, Avengers - Freeform, Bucky - Freeform, Depression, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Ice Skating, LGBT, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Marvel - Freeform, Mental Illness, PTSD, lokixbucky - Freeform, marvelavengers, social pressure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-07-17 14:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16097375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agayturtle1/pseuds/Agayturtle1
Summary: Loki, a green eyed sharp tongued man who desperately wants to fulfil his passion in ice skating he comes across the mysterious chestnut haired man named Bucky. Is that even his real name?





	1. Loki

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! So I started to write this as a prompt but then decided to full on make it a fan fict. So it’s a morden day au of Bucky x Loki enjoy!

 

The cold air hit me as soon as I walked out. Taking the red guards off the blades that were my wings. I stepped out onto the ice. I hadn’t been on the ice in years, running a hand through my midnight black hair, i sighed a silvery cloud appearing in front of me. I skated slowly forward, still trying to gain somewhat of a composure, my balance ricketing back and forth. 

Something whizzed past me, a blur of silver and chestnut. Tch, typical pros, they never care about us newbies. “Hey!” I called out coldly, “watch it!” My voice echoed through out the empty rink, I usually came early or late at night due to the serenity and lack of humans.

I always wanted to learn but I had a stupid and paralysing fear of the ice. The pro finally came to a stop turning around seamlessly, pulling down his headphones.

He, the asshole skater, had shortish chestnut hair which shaped his face; cold blue eyes stared back at me, he gave a lopsided grin before bowing slightly.

“I’m sorry your highness” he laughed. Oh gods..his laugh, this man wanted me to punch him but also passionately make out with him. His laughed again mimiking my scowl before skating off, obviously showing off. Doing spins and tricks all which had me holding my breath.

Attempting to move away from the wall, I felt my legs shake and my feet refuse to work; my body instantly going into panic mode. I felt a pair of strong warm hands hold mine. Looking up, I saw it was him. 

The same one who I had insulted.  He held my shaking hands speaking softly, “Sh relax. It’s going to be ok?” 

I nodded my body still shaking. He helped, skating next to me, guiding me to the exit. Finally on stable ground I made my way to the grey football stand seats sitting down. I wanted to cry, how could I not do this? It was so simple. How could I not get it? I loved the ice and it had always been a passion of mine, a cold fiery passion that filled my aching bones. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it” he said, taking a seat next to me letting out a silent groan. I frowned slightly. “You did a pretty good job, most would probably have fell and just gave up” 

“that’s the most encouraging thing I’ve heard” I said sarcastically, bending down and taking my skates off. I flexed and cracked my toes as he got up and started to stretch. 

“If you ever want some extra help don’t feel scared to ask for it” he smiled looking back once more before skating off. 

Gathering my things together from my locker. I called back onto the ice, “what’s your name?”

”Bucky” he laughed heartily, “and yours?” 

I didn’t reply until I was at the main gate. It was a wooden oak emblazoned with gold. “Loki” I said throwing him a small smile. 

 

Warm yellow lights guided me to my bus stop, looking out onto a sea of tiny yellow ships out on the dark sea. I tightened my jacket around my body tightly, hoping to keep some of the warmth in. Winter was soon approaching. It was slightly getting colder in London, but never the less it was fast approaching. 

I love the aesthetic of winter, the festive celebrations and warm drinks, the tiny ice crystals that fell, the fog lining the streets in the morning. But the bitter wind that nipped like a new born pup that I hated. 

The royal red bus soon came into view as I boarded it, quietly sitting down I grabbed my phone and texted my brother, Thor, alerting him I was on my way back. 

                     ~

  Opening the door I was greeted with two different types of greetings; the first one was from my silver companion Storm. Giving a small mew as she nestled in between my legs, I picked her up quickly and scratched between her ears hearing her purr before setting her down again. 

The second greeting I received was a loud and drunken hello. Walking into the living room, I saw Thor had a group of friends round. I shivered in disgust. 

“Hello” I said back quietly as I tried to scoot around him and get to the kitchen which was adjacent to the living room, desperately trying to get to the residental fridge. 

“Brother!” He said hooking a arm around me practically dragging me out to see his friends and socialise, ew. “Loki do not be shy” 

The familiarity of the flaming red head who was Natasha stood out, she nodded simply. I liked her best. Steve had his arms around both Steven and Tony, I see those three had not sorted their relationship out and the romantic tension was rife in the air. And of course Banner who smiled heartily at me. They all greeted me with smiles, not daring to touch me, for which I enjoyed. 

I noted the amount of WKD, Russian vodka and other assorted drinks littered on the table taking that as my indication to leave. I grabbed the box of dominos pizza, before leaving them to it. 

“Make sure those four dont do anything stupid” I muttered to the red head, she chucked and nodded sipping from her colourless cup. Knowing her russian self it was probably vodka.

Making my way up the grey  carrpented stairs, Storm tailing me, I looked at the time line of pictures we had. Although I was adopted, Odin our father, made sure I was in nearly all the photos. I sighed sadly, he was so good to yet he was taken away. 

The loud chaotic laughter from downstairs cleansed my soul of anything bad. Although he was gone physically he was still living on through our memories.

Finally being able to sit down, I allowed the dark blue duvets and many cushions devour me. Storm made her way to her own little bed. Grabbing my Mac book, decorated with little golden rams, I played a random song. 

Opening the pizza box and to my delight it was meat lovers, I relaxed. Today was a mini achievement. I didn’t take my assortment of pills and still managed to get through a whole day or lessons and work. My brain felt dark and foggy but I was proud of myself. 

Amongst the thoughts of thoughts of death and self doubt, a certain blue eyed and brown haired male took center stage.


	2. Bucky

Cold harsh memories gripped me violently. Relentlessly. I finally tested myself away. Freeing myself from the fake reality I shook violently pulling the cold covers closer waiting for it to be over. 

The hot steam helped release some of the tension I had. How could I even admit it. It was pretty pathetic. I allowed it to happen, no one else. It was my fault anyway.I quickly got dressed leaving the comfort of my warm midnight shower. The sheets were soaked, soaked yet again with a cold sweat. The new pills they gave me didn’t help, so I stopped taking them.

I changed the covers and replaced them, tossing the soaked ones into the washer. It was like my body was on autopilot. I was so used to the motions. 2:30am the clock read, I probably wasn’t going to get any sleep. Grabbing my keys I quickly left the cold and lonesome apartment. I jogged going with no direction. I felt the cold dense air, I loved the night.

No-one else but me was awake and I could think freely. One thing that had been puzzling me, the black eye haired male with piercing green eyes, the one who couldn’t but desperately wanted to skate. Loki..the name suited him.

 

The harsh sound of the cold blades cutting sharply into the ice resonated in my ears. The owners had made it clear that if I wanted the ice privately, I could. I always turned it down, I preferred hearing the children gasping and the soft music of that one pop song. I’d tried skating by myself privately and hated it.

The atmosphere was always tense, uncertain. I’d even tried with a partner but it always led to arguments due to them expecting “more.” I looked around and then felt foolish.

Why would I expect him to come back, for him to walk in with that forrest green coat that just hugged his body or the way his hair fell perfectly. The truth was, I had seen him around more than once. He’d come before usually with a group of friends and possibly his boyfriend.

They were both quite close. Another thing that puzzled me, he didn’t react when he saw my arm. The thought that scared me the most was that I didn’t know how to feel. The world spun around me as I twirled, speeding through the rink. A double axel here, a jump there. Wanting my head to be clear I pushed on. Ignoring their pity, their glances. Ignoring the stitch. And just..blocking out the world. I finished on a jump into a spin. Breathing in deeply, I held my hands in fists towards the air my back arching slightly and my eyes closing.

Slow claps filled the air before they were replaced with many. Frantically skating around I saw it was him. Loki. He smiled happily, his eyes awake and wide with awe. He walked towards the banister as I skated quickly towards him.

“That was amazing” he said breathlessly.

“It was nothing” I said brushing it off. It really was nothing. But a compliment from him was amazing. “Are you coming on?” I asked looking over and seeing my question was already answered. I smirked, “guess that answers my question.”

“Aha yeah, I guess it does” he said smiling and blushing slightly. His laugh made me giddy and I just wanted to grab him and kiss him gently. Bet his boyfriend wouldn’t like that I bet, I felt my good mood soon turn sour.


	3. Loki

     I stepped out onto the ice nervously. I mean after watching Bucky perform who could blame me. How could I compete with that level of skill; I tried to mimic his movements as he skated. My back straight, arms out slightly. Again I found myself falling backwards and too quickly. I was too far from the barrier to catch myself, a small cry left my lips before warm hands caught me. 

“You need to stop falling for me” Bucky laughed, helping me stand upright.

“Erm I have a boyfriend” I said in the most serious tone I could muster. A mix of jealousy and anger flashed across his face before he recomposed himself. “I’m just kidding” I said, a smile breaking out on both our faces. He nodded and quickly skated away. I’m such a idiot.

 

After another hour of me trying and mostly failing, I’d fallen more times than I’d hoped and was left in a sour mood. I watched as Bucky skated. How could he do it? How could he jump with no fear and have complete control over the ice. Gods..he was amazing.

I dipped my hot chocolate as I watched from the cafe windows. The cafe was shut but luckily the waitress let me have it on the house.

The cafe was build into the ice rink, similar to a little side room. The colour scheme mostly consisted of light sea greens and dark cobalt blues.

Bucky soon came off the ice, he grabbed a bottle of water from his bag and drunk from it deeply before joining me at my table.

“I give up skating” I groaned burying my head into my hands.

“Hey” he said chuckling lightly, “don’t think like that.”

“How can I not? 10 year olds are skating better then I am” I counted back.

“Well give it time” he said simply, pulling his hands away from my face and looking me in my eyes. Wow.

His eyes were stunning, they were a mix of blue and grey with silver and gold specks. A ring of grey outlined and somewhat caged this beauty.

He had deep set eyes that were aged slightly with wrinkles and dark circles. His brown hair sat slightly above his thick yet well groomed eyebrows. It seemed like an eternity that we were staring at each other, lost in the moment.

The world seemed to disappear and it was only us. The trance was broke after a loud crash followed by swearing.

Bucky pulled away as he got up to help the waitress. He smiled and bent down, helping picking up the broken pottery. I took this unfortunate event as a chance to leave.

I sighed into my pillow, these were the struggles of having a crush on someone who probably wasn’t even gay or bi. The soft music played through my laptop as I heard the running of water. Stepping into the light blue lukewarm water I relaxed.

What if I just did it? Just held my head under and drowned. Allowed it to enter my lungs and end the continuous pain. No one really cared about me anyway, I always failed my lessons and although I’d always revise and study hard. My efforts were in vain. What was the point anymore?

But those eyes..those damn eyes. They were the only thing keeping me hanging on.


	4. Bucky

Bucky;

Sleepless nights turned into weeks and it became even more harder for me to get up and go to the rink. It was too empty. The once soft music that played was annoying and generic, the children were brats. Whatever magic was here was gone. Everyone else had noticed it somewhat, I’d become more grouchy and distant. Why did I hope he would stay? He probably got scared off or maybe he was telling the truth about having a boyfriend? I should’ve gotten his number, tried talking to him more. But I didn’t, I never did.

I leapt into a spin jump and fell, tumbling onto the ice. My gasp echoed off the empty walls of Alexandra palace. There was no one else here, just me. As usual. I felt tears welling up as a door opened. It was probably someone who’d witnessed it and wanted to be a good Samaritan. I got up slowly, edging somewhat to the barrier and then pulling myself up. Putting on my poker face before turning back around and it instantly smashed to the floor. There he was. His hands gripped the barrier foam tightly, he was panting and his green eyes were wide with panic and fear.

“Bucky..” he whispered he looked smaller and more vulnerable even though I had fallen not him. “I..are you okay? Oh my gods, it just-it looked like it hurt” he said his face falling, I shook my head smiling weakly.

“It’s fine, I’ve been through worse” I skated towards the exit he was near and got off, I nearly buckled but luckily managed to hold onto the barrier. He offered a hand and I gladly took it, his hands were soft and warm, it suited him in a weird way.

I sat down on the hard plastic chairs, my legs shaking somewhat from the fall, my body had been conditioned to get rid of the fear but it was still scary when I fell.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around” he said, I realised he still held my hand, he played with my hands self consciously. “I had some end of year exams and I’ve just been busy, my brother kept having his friends over so I never really had time to study” he murmured, I felt the weird inkling to tell him it was okay, to hug him tightly. I reached out and placed a hand on his head.

“It’s fine honestly” I said and for the first time in a while I smiled at him, and I meant it.

We spent the next couple hours on the rink, we were going over the basic moves and working on Loki’s balance more. I caught him again before he could fall, a scowl was plastered on his face.

“I thought this was supposed to be relaxing, fun. Not scary and making me question my confidence” he said somewhat angrily. I held him back up. My hands holding his hips. I could feel him take a deep breath in quickly.

“Here. The main power is in your balance and confidence. But focus on holding your power here” I said my hands moving to his waist. He nodded softly before I let go, my hands lingering somewhat.

He was making progress, slowly but surely. Though I could see he was getting annoyed, it wasn’t at the speed he wanted it to. I ordered us some chips before sitting down at the table. He was looking out onto the rink, his eyes somewhat misted over. I tapped his arm gently and brought him back to Earth. He smiled softly. We talked some more, simple things about each other’s life. He lived with his brother Thor, not his boyfriend and even he had made it clear he was single. He also talked about his studies, he was studying English Literature as well as Physics.

It was sad when we had to depart but at least we’d gotten each other’s numbers so we could text and message to meet more often.


	5. Loki

Loki;

I crept into the empty apartment, opening and closing the door silently to try and avoid waking anyone.

‘If he was even here that was’ I thought sourly. Even though we’d lived together and grown up together, it was if there was a wedge between us. I was the adopted one but the family had always tried to make me feel as though as I was actually part of them. But even since Thor had graduated from Cambridge it seemed as though I had to live up to the high standards. I didn’t obviously and it hurts.

I heard a light switch on and a voice, “Loki I know you’re out there. Come here..we need to talk about something” it was Thor, he probably was going to pull out his big brother card, tell me that if I needed help he was there, I could always go to him. I took off my boots and chucked them without reason near the door, walking towards the living room.

There sat Thor with a little parcel on his lap, a cake sat near him too. He smiled softly, “I heard it was your birthday little brother” I smiled back, I had completely forgotten it was my birthday, this was a pleasant shock.

“I know father isn’t here..but just remember he was so proud to have you as a son Loki. And I’m proud to be your older brother” he smiled widely and got up, coming towards me and enveloping me in a massive bear hug. I hugged him back happily. All I ever wanted was this..to be recognised as an equal.

We spent the next half hour talking and eating cake. Chocolate cake, even Thor decided to break his strict diet and eat a small piece. He was interested in me for once. I talked about my studies, the ice skating, how I was coping with my studies but also he was interested in my health.

“Are you sure you’re looking after yourself?” He asked for the fifth time, I smiled shaking my head.

“I am fine brother, there’s no need to worry about me okay?” Lies. But I didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“I know but I still do..I feel like I’ve been distant and I’m really sorry about that, more people are booking me to star in films and photoshoots and it was hectic and-“

“Brother.” I said clasping his hands gently, “it’s fine, you’re making your mark on the world” I said smiling sadly, he’d be remembered as a legend, someone who was amazing. Me? I’d be remembered as a nobody.


	6. Bucky

I messaged Loki telling him sadly I wouldn’t be able to make it to the ice rink tonight. I placed my phone down on the bedside cabinet, curling back up under the blankets.

It was so cold and dark..it felt like thousand tiny cold needles were prodding me. I couldn’t do this anymore, memories invaded my eyes making them centre of my attention.

His fists coming in contact with me, again and again..just seeing red. Pleading him to stop, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Why me? Why-

‘Ding’

I gasped deeply breathing quickly, hyperventilating. My hands came to my ragged mess of a hair, gripping it tightly. I couldn’t let myself become immersed in it again.

Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed my bag, filled with my skates and left. Getting the bus and going on autopilot. I sat there, staring at the plastic neon yellow bar above the carpeted seat. I heard a child crying, women talking just a low hubbub of noise to distract me. I finally reached my destination without realising it, shaking my head slightly as I got off. I needed to sort myself out. Ignoring the stares I got from people, I walked up to the ice skating rink. It was pretty late so i wasn’t much or anyone to be there but he was.

The black haired man who stole my breath, shrouded in mystery, I knew nothing but the name he was given. Loki. He was skating, badly. But it was better, he was getting better. I saw the sheer determination on his face, he gritted his teeth slightly and a slight look of shock appeared as he skated back to the barrier and saw me.

I snapped out of my daze, it was like seeing angel learn to fly again. He smiled shyly, a light rose blush on his cheeks as I approached him. I tried my best to smile, but I lacked the mental energy to will my muscles to move.

“You look like shit” he said smirking slightly, his hair was pinned up and suited him. I hadn’t realised before but under these yellow lights he had dark blue streaks in his hair, the shade could’ve been mistaken as black but it was similar to a raven.

“Thanks I appreciate it” I replied back, my voice sounded dull and dead. Was it a mistake to come out? To see him at my weakest?

“What too many drinks at the bar? Did the pretty girl say no?” He joked slightly, although the joke didn’t reach his eyes. They shone with jealously. His smile soon dropped as I sat down not answering, my body collapsed limply into the plastic seat.

How the irony, this was the only place I could go to just feel myself. To be free on the ice, no limits no control. It was free. But now? It felt like I was caged in, I wanted to give in the towel and just lie down instead of fighting against it.


	7. Loki

I’d gotten to the ice rink a couple hours ago. Bucky still hadn’t replied to my message, it made me kinda sad. I wanted to know if he was coming today, a kinda surprise for him. I’d managed to skate some what without the aid of the soft barrier.

Getting to the rink and approaching it was a different matter. It was menacing and scary. The ice had eyes and laughed whenever you fell. I shook my head ridding myself of these negative thoughts. I took of my guards and rolled my feet hearing them click slightly. Studies hadn’t been kind and I was prone to sitting down for hours on end. I need this.

I breathed in deeply, doing my normal warm up routine. Feeling the blood rush around my body and warm my stiff cold muscles, they felt like a ice block, one crack and it’d shatter. I placed one skate on the ice and then the other. Breathing in I pushed off the barrier.

For a moment I felt nothing but tranquility as I glided away, the air wrapped around me and comforted my body, like a blanket. Holding my hands behind my back I moved my legs and shakily moved. I smiled as it worked, i was moving slowly but it was movement.

I stayed on the ice a bit longer, there was no one but me luckily so I had the whole rink to myself. I had set a goal in my head, it was to reach the middle and skate back without help. I heard the large wooden door creak open and looked over, I saw it was Bucky. I skated back to the barrier, nearly falling but quickly composing myself. He looked bad..his body lacked whatever confidence he used to have, his eyes doll-like and dead in a way. Heavy bags lined his face, his face a deadly shade of white, his lips turning a subtle shade of blue.

“You look like shit” I said, joking slightly, I felt my cheeks heat up and cursed my heart and brain for working against me. He laughed back at my joke and sat down, it seemed as if his whole body was going to give and cave in on him. Was he sick? Was he really pushing himself to the limit to just come and see me.

“What too many drinks at the bar? Did the pretty girl say no?” I said smirking, but a wave of jealously overcame me. I didn’t want him to be taken, for me to find out he was someone hidden away. He laughed and shook his head, he looked lost in thought. I got off the ice and approached him, surprising even myself when I didn’t make a fool or trip.

I placed a hand on his arm, his real one, the one with a pulse, and immediately retracted it. He was boiling hot, a look on concern appeared on his face. We’d known each other for a couple months now and had exchanged some..personal thoughts as well as touches but his body was roasting even though it was freezing inside.

“What are-“ he started to say before I cut him off, standing up and walking in front of him.

“I’m checking something” i answered, gently placing my hands on either side of his cheeks and bending down, kissing his forehead gently. I heard him gasp slightly, tensing up before relaxing. I indulged in this simple and aromantic act. I somewhat hoped he was ill, I could bring him back to my own shared house, nurse him back to health and be with him some more. It was a guilty thought but I wanted it badly.

“You have a fever..how did you even get here okay?” I asked him, he shook his head looking down, I could see the faint tell tell signs of a blush. “Come on, you can crash at mine for the night” I said going to sit down and taking off my heavy skates.

“But I..it’s fine loki honestly I can back get myself” he said, trying his best to come across as well. I shook my head and offered him my hand. He sighed. “I have no choice so I?” I laughed as he grabbed my hand and held onto it tightly.


	8. Bucky

 

I gripped Loki’s hand tightly in fear he’d disappear, As he was just a figment of my imagination and I was scared he’d leave. 

We left the rink together, I wrapped my jacket around me tighter as we waited for the bus. It was so cold. He’d told me it was a fever I had? I couldn’t believe I’d let myself get so ill, but it was plausible however. On the journey back I must’ve fallen asleep on him, the next thing I knew was we were getting off and going to Baker Street. He placed a arm around me tightly helping me through the dark streets of central London.

We approached his apartment, going up in the lift. He opened the door and immediately a flood of warmth hit us both, the sound of laughter was heard, he murmured something under his breath as we made our way indoors.

“Thor! I have a friend over so leave us alone” he shouted through the hall way as he took off his classic forrest green coat, I felt something furry wrap around my legs. I looked down in puzzlement, it was a slim Siamese cat, it meowed softly and purred when I stroked it gently. I smiled before standing back up and copying Loki’s movements. Taking off my jacket, my shoes and following him upstairs to his room.

The small stairway leading upwards had many photos of Loki, a blonde haired male who I assumed was Thor and possibly his dad? Loki of course stuck out like a sore thumb, his vivid green eyes and raven black hair contrasted again his brothers and dads blonde and pale blue eyes. We finally reached his room, he opened the dark wooden door and I was kinda awed already.

“It probably seems childish I know” he said quietly as I stepped in, the entire room was a deep navy but warm yellow fairy lights were strung on his curtains, a large starry duvet covered his bed. Meanwhile a Mac laptop sat carelessly on it, above on the ceiling were stars too, different consolations.

“It’s so pretty” I murmured, the entire room was bathed in light but also darkness. It also smelt like cinnamon and fresh mint but a subtle undertone of pine. He looked at me with a shocked look before smiling.

“You should get some rest” he said as he approached me, placing a hand on my head and wincing slightly. “I’m hoping that fever breaks soon” He murmured. I looked down still feeling somewhat guilty, I would’ve been fine at home..but something just brought me here. He rubbed my arms quickly before grabbing the laptop, moving it, and climbing under the blankets.

Sighing quietly I joined him. We lay chest to chest staring at each other. I became lost in his cat like eyes, they had a ring of dark green, encasing a pale green with shards of silver. His skin was like porcelain, smooth and pale. A wave of tiredness overcame me, the bed was warm for once and I didn’t fell alone. For once I welcomed sleep with open arms.

“Night bucky” I heard him whisper.


	9. Loki

I saw Bucky’s face relax, his eyes closing and for once he looked at peace. I still couldn’t believe I had done that, I’d never taken anyone back to the apartment, not even my own dates but here laying in my bed was a really..really good looking guy.

I reached my hand out and touched his face gently, my hand trailing down his jawline, before I pulled away remembering why he was here. He had a fever and was severely ill. That’s why. Right?

Ugh, I sighed laying back down, my emotions were just all out of whack and I didn’t know why..I guess I couldn’t trust myself in a relationship. I’d probably hurt them like I have before. They would always try and help or try to sympathise and “understand how I’m feeling” hurt they couldn’t they never could even. So I just isolated myself, closed myself off to them and they left. Everyone always leaves.

I felt something wet fall down my cheek as I gently touched it, I was..crying? I got up quietly and headed to the bathroom, tip toeing past the hallway where I could hear Thor laughing with his friends, they were playing a card game probably or trying to lift that stupid hammer from the table.

A while ago when we first got here, Thor decided as a drunken prank to superglue the hammer to the table and claim “only the worthy could lift it” they’ve been trying ever since.

I went into the bathroom and locked it, pushing the toilet seat down and sitting on it, I buried my hands into my head and just cried. Whatever dam was holding back all these emotions, repressed feelings and thoughts just came spilling out, overflowing. It was kind of a relief but at the same time, hurtful.

After a while of crying and wondering why I was even put on this Earth..I pulled myself together as best as I could. I felt like I’d been shattered, my body just as delicate as glass. Now someone was trying to piece a thousand pieces together. I felt numb, alone and cold.

I washed my face with some cold water, but even then when I looked in the mirror all I could see was a disappointment. My eyes red and irritated, whatever shine they had was gone. I ripped my eyes away from the truth in front of me, opening the door I left and went back to my room. I caught a figure at the bottom of the stairs, looking over quickly I saw the faint tint of red hair.

I went back into my room, closing the door. I saw bucky was still asleep which was good, I quickly got undressed getting changed into some simple clothes. I opened the window to help cool him down some more and climbed into bed. I faced away from him, not wanting him to see a disappointment. But curiosity took over me and I turned around, falling asleep next to him, our chests inches apart.


	10. Bucky

Warmth but also coolness. Softness encased me and I felt refreshed. My muscles didn’t ache, I opened my eyes slightly and saw I was in a different room. I would’ve been scared but I felt like I knew I was. I was in Loki’s room..I felt my face heat up and blush deeply.

I heard a yawn next to me and deep purring resonated throughout the bed. Sitting up, i felt the bare air hit my chest and the blanket fall.

“Morning..well afternoon I guess” I heard a voice say, I looked up and saw it was Loki, he sat at the far edge of the bed, I wondered where the purring noise was coming from but looking to my right answered that question. “That’s storm also by the way, I forgot to mention.” I nodded, softly stroking her.

“What happened last night?” I asked, the most cliche question in the book but I had to. I was curious to know what had happened. I looked over and saw he was still in just a loose fitting top and some tight fitting sweatpants. He looked relaxed but also out of place. I guess this was his vulnerable side.

“You were ill and had a fever. Oh and also” he said getting up, placing silver slim laptop down and walking over to where a pile of neatly folded laundry was. “This is yours, I’m sorry..you kinda took a turn for the worst last night and I had to cool you down quickly” he explained I saw a pastel rose blush tint his cheeks as he handed me my clothes.

“Thanks..for just everything” I said quietly, my voice sounded like it was going. What really happened last night? Taking the bundle of assorted clothes, I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head.

“You feeling any better?” He asked softly joining me on the bed. I nodded, I felt more clearer and less foggy. It was like I could see properly again. I looked over at him and frowned slightly, he looked so adorable, how was that even possible? His hair tousled and left out, being thrown to one side, his eyes soft and his face. His lips. His body. Everything was just perfect.

I leaned in slowly, gently placing a hand on his face before kissing the soft rubies that were his lips. He kissed back almost immediately as if..he wanted to do the same thing.


	11. Loki

After that amazing kiss..me and bucky spent the rest of the day in bed just talking about things, we both skirted around the topic of what just happened. We lay next to each other on the bed, he was on his side while I laid on my back looking up. I closed my eyes briefly, indulging in the moment of peace.

 

The rain pattered gently outside, small oceans being created only for them to be gone the next day. A slight foreshadowing in our own lives, one day we’re here the next we’re gone. It wouldn’t even be the next day but..the next couple days or weeks.

 

I ran my hands over my face, a wave of different emotions all bad dragging me back under. The room fell silent and was only accompanied with the breathing of two people. I’d forgotten to take my meds last night and today..no wonder I’d felt like this.

 

I felt rough hands gently skim my wrists, gently tugging my sleeves down. My eyes shot open as I sat up and skirted away from the other male.

 

“What..what are you doing?” I questioned quietly, holding my arms to my chest protectively. I didn’t want him or anyone to know about them, they were just surrounded in nothing but darkness. He moved slowly towards me, as if addressing a wild animal either ready to attack or ready to bolt.

 

My back hit the metal bedpost as he approached slowly, standing and sitting again next to me on the bed. He didn’t say anything but I know he saw, he’d seen the horrors. I already knew what was going to happen, he’d have to say he couldn’t do this, he’d have to go. Left the stove on or had an appointment, or say he understood but I had to stop.

 

“Loki..” he whispered quietly, his hand softly touching my face, smiling like he understood. He pulled away and rolled up his own sleeves, one revealing a hard cold silver arm meanwhile the other..it revealed the same horrors as mine. I touched his silver arm softly, I felt him jolt and tense but he slowly relaxed.

 

“What happened?” I asked, the cool metal bore numerous scratches and dents, he’d been with it for a while.

 

“I was in the war.” He said quietly, as if he’d never told anyone before. I felt the atmosphere grew colder and more closed off. “It wasn’t a big war but it still cost a lot”

 

I nodded, I wasn’t the only one alone. Hugging him tightly, I felt thick tears fall down my face, my shoulders shaking as he held me gently. Whispering soft words of courage.


	12. Bucky

I held the quivering male until his sobs quietened and he fell weak in my arms, I stroked his hair gently, kissing the top of it. Poor soul..he’d had to go through all that by himself.

I gently laid him down on the bed, letting him sleep some more, he seemed exhausted, I smiled softly. He was so attractive..it just radiated from him, his skin looked porcelain with tones of pure white and ivory. His wild sea blue eyes and striking wild black hair. Perfection, as if God has created him.

A couple hours passed and I heard gentle knocking on the door, I quickly got up and opened it, stepping out the room. A tall heavy blonde male accompanied with a slightly shorter women with striking red hair as well as a man with curly hair and a light blue shirt on. They looked at me with quizzical expressions. The only one who wasn’t shocked was the curly haired man, he held out his hand smiling.

“Hi I’m Bruce” he said warmly, I smiled slightly and offered my metal hand.

“I’m bucky” I replied back, he leaned forward gripped it tightly while also patting me on the shoulder.

“What are you doing in my brothers room? Loki doesn’t always have friends round” the tall blonde said, he had a buzz cut but it was trimmed perfectly. So Loki wasn’t the only one possibly cast away from heaven.

“Thor” the red headed women said, Thor looked at her and scowled slightly.

“I still-“

“No. We have to respect Loki’s privacy, if he has friends over he does.” She said sternly, her ice eyes challenging Thor’s baby blue ones.

She had power radiating from her even though she was the smallest.

“I’m Natasha” she said nodding to me. I nodded back, mentally thanking her that she didn’t try and shake my hand. “Would you like to join us downstairs? We have food and drinks” she said politely. My stomach growled slightly and Bruce chucked loudly.

“Guess that’s a yes?” He said a smile breaking out again on his face, it was if he was a puppy.

I sighed knowing they’d never leave if I didn’t agree, “yes I will join you guys” I got some celebratory cheers as they headed back down, I quickly looked back in the room and saw Loki was still asleep.

 

Upon entering the room I was greeted with loudness and laughter. Immediately I spotted an old face.

“Steve?” I said my face scrunching up slightly trying to identify him properly. He’d grown a beard and his hair was slightly longer but he was still that small child who wanted to fight for everyone.

“Bucky?” He said getting up and pushing past two other males, we moved slowly towards each other before hugging tightly. Laughing I clapped him on the back. He pulled away looking me up, down and then hugging me again.

“How have you been?” He asked, we’d gotten over the awkwardness of how me and Steve knew each other, it seemed like everyone had warmed up to me a little more. Although the male sitting next to him, Tony, seemed more protective over Steve.

“I’ve been good, after what happened I picked up ice skating. I know shocker right? But it really helped” I said smiling softly, I felt something prod me gently and saw Thor was passing around the pizza box, he smiled widely. I took the box, and also took a couple slices for myself, passing it back around. The whole atmosphere was relaxed and chilled.


End file.
